Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Top 10 Bedroom Blunders

According to Fox News sexpert Yvonne K. Fulbright, there are 10 mistakes that men make in the bedroom:

1. Thinking that foreplay starts in the sack.

2. Going south too soon.

3. Ignoring the clitoris.

4. Missing the G-spot.

5. Becoming too goal-oriented in their efforts.

6. Gaining weight and still thinking they're attractive.

7. Not knowing about her need to be naughty.

8. Thinking she's supposed to act like a porn star.

9. Thinking she's supposed to look like a porn star.

10. Believing one orgasm is enough.

Perhaps for a woman who looks to be in her 30s or 40s, the above qualify as sex slip-ups, but for your average early twenty-something who's had at least one drunken one-night-stand, the majority of the mistakes men make don't even come close:

1. Not being able to get it up or keep it up.

2. And if they do, coming in under 60 seconds.

3. Then passing out immediately after and snoring loudly.

4. Jack hammering into us like we're a concrete sidewalk.

5. Licking our clitoris like they're trying to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop. Ouch.

6. Groaning to the point at which we might mistake them for caveman.

7. Making an O-face that makes us laugh or better yet, scared.

8. How about not remembering our name.

9. Or remembering to get our number. That's okay though. It's not like we were going to give it to you anyway.

10. Insisting on anal. Yeah. Fucking. Right.

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